Pillars of a Healthy Relationship

The Pillars 

I've always had a passion for learning about other people.  I find people, in general, very fascinating.  Every person on this planet has a story, a personal history that makes up their very being.   Some stories are to be admired, while others cause your heart to ache for them.  I believe in diversity because everyone has one basic need in life.  To be loved!   It's really very simple... without it you cannot survive or thrive.

Healthy Relationships 

I came across a blog post called the, "7 Pillars of a Healthy Relationship".  This post spoke volumes.   It starts out by asking you how strong is your relationship?   Asking if your relationship is unshakable?   It goes on to explain that if all 7 pillars are standing tall and strong, then your relationship is strong and reliable.   However, if one of the pillars fail, your relationship gets a little more shaky as the others have to pick up the added burden of support.  If one fails, the others become weaker and will likely fall themselves.    The domino effect.

So True ! 

Pillar #1:  Honesty
Key Points:  If you are not honest with your partner, then you are intentionally erecting internal walls that keep them away from who you really are.    Most importantly, you need to be honest with yourself.

Pillar #2:  Trust
Key Points:  Broken trust equals a broken relationship.   To trust completely = to not hurt them, stay committed to them, and they can trust you with everything, including their life.  It doesn't have to be big things that break their trust.   Little things can chip away at it until it's so fragile that the slightest burden shatters it.  


Pillar #3:  Respect
Key Points:   Respect is the key ingredient to a solid, healthy relationship.  You need to respect your partner's needs, wants, and their weaknesses and strengths, their dreams and goals.   Don't try to make them be like you ... don't treat them like they are wrong when they differ from you.   Remember if you truly respect them, then you will never disrespect them to your friends, family, or anyone else.


Pillar #4:  Communication
Key Points:   Communication is a huge part of any relationship.   It's hard to have trust, intimacy without a communication component.  Almost every aspect of your relationship is touched by some form of communication.   Make certain your body language is reflecting the actual words that are coming out of your mouth.  Don't make a conversation a competition, don't try to "fix" everything your partner tell you.   Focus instead on the things you have in common and that brings you together as a couple. 


Pillar #5:  Attention
Key Points:   Attention is the means by which you give something or someone importance in your life.  Give attention in a way that shows them you are thinking about them and loving them.

Pillar #6:  Intimacy
Key Points:    Many husband/wife relationships have drifted to a friend relationship because of the lack of intimacy.  Intimacy doesn't just mean a sexual relationship, it could also means dropping the walls you have inside of you and letting your partner deeper than the surface  level that you keep up to protect yourself from being hurt.  It means trusting them enough to let them in to where they can hurt you.  The more intimacy the relationship has, the stronger it will be.  Provided that the intimacy is mutual.  Your relationship will only be as strong as intimacy allows.

Pillar #7:  Commitment
Key Points:  Everyone needs it for a good, strong, deep relationship.  The commitment doesn't have to mean marriage. It simply means that you can rely on the other person to be there, to put effort into your relationship, to keep you near the top of their list of priorities.

Summary:
Regularly ensure the strength of all of the pillars.  The crumbling of one pillar can easily pull the other related pillars down with it.  This causes a lot of shakiness and instability to your relationship.